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123 days. The only thing Iapos;m looking forward to. And itapos;s my lucky number. My meds havenapos;t kicked in yet and Iapos;m losing hope that they ever will. I hate my friends. I want to move away from this place and never come back or talk to anybody here ever again. Now I have to finish a composition and go to ccd later today. I donapos;t have much hope in anything anymore. I donapos;t want to live anymore.

xx,
S


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I�just read Chapter 2 of a first-hand account of Auscwitz.� apos;Eyewitness Auschwitz: Three Years in the Gas Chambersapos; by Filip Muller.� Before, I thought the worst thing Iapos;d read was the Nazis delivering the urn of their loved-oneapos;s remains to Jewish families whoapos;s husbands had been imprisoned C.O.D..� Mind you this was in the middle of Kristallnacht, then mass shootings, Einsatzgruppen and mass graves.� This is worse.� Muller witnessing the SS�figuring out that if they tell� the huddled mass outside of the gas chambers they needed to disrobe because theyapos;d need to be disinfected for inspections for new jobs was...yeah.� Of course, that was after the SS figured out they would save a bunch of time and man-power by getting the people to disrobe in the first place.� One of the commanders, literally standing on top of the roof of the gas chamber talking down to the still-clothed crowd in the yard begins to ask people their professions and then tell them theyapos;d need folks just like that.� When Iapos;m less than optomistic I�feel that the thing that seperates Man from Animal is engineering.� Communication is still there, itapos;s just less far reaching.� Spirituality is still there, itapos;s just less formalized.� But the ability to overcome obstacles.��Yeah.� Thatapos;s us.� Letapos;s just, letapos;s just make sure we donapos;t let inappropriate things happen.� Letapos;s make sure the unwarranted is remarked upon.� Letapos;s make sure this doesnapos;t have the chance of happening, if thatapos;s possible.

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Just a quick note to say that I had my first acupunture session yesterday.

IT WAS FABULOUS. I had no pain at all, and the only discomfort I had was when one of the needles was removed from my ears. I had needles in my lower legs, belly, arms, ears and one in the top of my head and one in my forehead. The acupunturist said my yin was low and that my hormones were out of balance.

I felt like I could melt right through the floor when I tried to get up. My boyfriend could not get over how relaxed I seemed last night. I would highly recommend to everyone. I went for help with stress managment, anxiety mood swings and it definitely seemed to work. I still feel like Iapos;m on some kind of natural high, and I guess I am. I go back next week and Iapos;m hoping for a similar effect.
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Thoughts anyone?

My buddy Dave and I�went to Flight Centre this evening and the lady found us a resort in DR called�Bahia Principe San Juan but it was $1084.xx per person (just the trip and taxes).� Iapos;m cheap and stubborn and have only $1000 to cover the trip, taxes and cancellation/medical insurance so basically said nope not interested.� She basically said good luck finding something under $1000 (for trip and taxes) that not 2-3 stars.

So back at home we hit the internet and Iapos;m browsing through itravel2000.com and stumble upon the exactly same trip she was offering us for $200 less.� Read:�I can have everything I�want for under $1000. �

SOOO, what say you people about the dominican republic...I am completely travel stupid.� I�donapos;t know anything about other countries and Iapos;m actually happy to stay that way.� I have yet to be bitten by the travel bug, I�just want to go somewhere warm and be away from work and sit on a beach/at a pool, you follow me?

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-Visited the dentist yesterday. My gums hurt. They look worse today than they did yesterday. Today I look as though little elves were mining for gold in my gums. I will not smile today. Today people will think I'm unfriendly and that is fine. Better that than for them to gasp when they see my scary gums.

-Lola brought in a dead mouse from the yard yesterday. Shudder. It gets worse....it was covered in maggots. Oh dear, I need to go lay down because I'm going to be sick again. Be back in a minute.

-Okay, I'm back. Yes, what I said above is true. It was HORRIBLE. I freaked out. I was running around yelling at Lola and dry heaving. Once I regained my senses I somehow managed to clean it up. It still gives me goose bumps. I've heard from neighbors about these mice in the backyard. Not sure what to do about it. Not sure that there is anything I can do about it. I wish I could sanitize Lola's mouth. GAG.

-Leaving for Maine at 6:00 am. That is very early. Am not looking forward to getting up early enough to get to the airport. And I'm worried because on our flight from Newark to Portland Zorba and I are not in the same row. We are in middle seats and I'm right behind her. Surely someone will switch with one of us? Maybe she will sit next to someone who can't get enough of non-stop 4 year old conversation, I don't know.

-Going to Maine Can't wait. I'm hoping that Zorba's halloween costume gets here today so that we can bring it with us for a Halloween party that we're going to. Fingers crossed

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I�go to school at 11:30 tomorrow and Iapos;ll iapos;ve been doing is eating �more movies I feel like Iapos;m depressed but in reality Iapos;m not.


Iapos;ve sat in my chair and I�thought of the word "Friend" does that even exist anymore? Those so many people in this world that are Un-capable of having a stable friendship. I�think Itapos;s the envy friends have toward each other like , obviously a personapos;s not going to say it but theyapos;re thinking it. Face it friendships arenapos;t for everyone. Iapos;m sick of the fabrication people have between each other. Thatapos;s why itapos;s always to keep your mouth shut and ears open.




This saying� never made sense to me." keep your friends away and your enemys even closer"














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